Magnetica!

Mmmmwwahhh dahlings.
Peris here.

My hardcore fanatics (yes, you know who you are sweeties!) will be aware that this season's must-have accessory for every self-respecting hotel heiress' is - an array of pink, plastic, wipe-down "bedroom hardware".

As you know sweetcakes', my boudoir has seen a lot of action.

But let's face it, ladeez. The most annoying thing that can happen during a pivotal boudoir moment is (apart from copping a premature spray in the face) has gotta be hitting the "ON" button of your favourite "device" -only to find the battery is as dead as a dodo, ka-peesh?

Anyways, those embarrassing, and endlessly futile clicks of the chipolata-shaped dildo could soon be over. What's my secret, I hear you cry, dollfaces?

Well, I've got one word for ya - MAGNETS.

Yep, that's right. You CAN get somethin' for nothin'.

(And no, Winona - I don't mean a 'five-fingered discount' at Macy's, pardon my Francais. Ferme la bushe, alreadys!!!)

I'm talkin' bout free energy. Straight outta thin air.

A lil old Paddy-whack company from Leprechaun land, called Steorn, has beat the geeks in the white lab coats to produce free energy from neodymium magnets.

Apparently, you drop a magnet into a dram of Scotch, set it alight, et voila! The magnet gives out high-voltage energy which can then be bottled, or channelled into your TV - or dildo. Whatev! Ka-peesh? (I'm sure I was off the day they taught this in Chemistry class.)

Anyroads, the guys at Steorn are setting up a little display in London at the Kinetica Museum. One guy is going to be aiming a bottle of Johnnie Walker into a funnel, and down into the lips of a pouting model (prolly Jordan, Paula Abdul or some other 'D' lister dollfaces), who will hold a dildo-shaped magnet in her teeth, while the Scotch is poured over it.

My mole at the Elephant & Castle (is that a pub) who is one of the geeks putting on this energy show, is adamant the magnet will then spin round, spitting out more energy than is put in (from the Johnnie Walker whisky AND the breath of Jordan/Paula Abdul combined) - which is a lotta energy people.

This free energy stuff will be on sale soon - hopefully Bloomingdales and Saks, but I'm sure Walmart and the 7-11 will stock their own-brand versions in some of the trailer parks too.

They'll probably even have little fridge magnets, which will be able to power entire countries like Wyoming and maybe even the Bahamas.

Check the story out here:

http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/breaking-news/ireland/business/article2734631.ece

and here...

http://www.rte.ie/news/2007/0704/steorn.html

(I do think these guys have played it down too much. And why the hell have they dropped all mention of Johnnie Walker, goddamit? These jokers have no clue how to investigate a science story, a la yours truly.)

Keep an eye on the Leprechauns' site. And watch out for magnetised dildos. Coming to a Walmart shelf near you soon !!!

http://www.steorn.com/news/releases/