Old Spice

MMMMMwah dahlings.
Peris here.

Fresh out of jail. Foil-fresh, fragrant and wearing no panties. At least that way I didn't need to turn them inside out every night. Ka-peesh ?

Anyhows, I started this little blogg when I was in the big house reading about all those cool things those guys Matthew, Luke and John did.

That's when I knew my life had like totally changed.

I am sooo a better person. I swear to God mom. I was reading the Bible and not fantasising about being done 60 diff ways by McConnaughey, Wilson and Cusack - sheesh.

But it did get kinda sweaty back there in my top bunk for a while... (Sorry 'bout that Charmaine. I've left you two sticks of Hubba Bubba and a diamante-thong behind the 3rd window bar on the right.)

Anyways, I was almost tempted to call my attorney and have him call the judge to tell him I want to be locked up to serve the rest of my sentence.
Why? Because five saggy English girls known as Old Spice, Retarded Spice, Hetero-Esque Spice, Tattooed 'n' Pierced Spice and ... uh, the one that's stood close to the airbed inflator (HULLO - are those boobies for real ??? They're fighting to get away from you, baby girl...

...they've decided to make a "comeback" and drag their Prada-covered bootys all over the globe to "thank" their fans. Now, I hate to bust their booble, whoops, I mean bubble. But believe me honey, the only way to thank your fans is invite them into your bedroom for a bit of a look-see while you bounce around with your hub-unit - or the latest victim of your pap-pleasing par-tae.

Not ONE of these hasbeens ... errr... I mean ladeez, are mattress-worthy.

In par-tick, Old Spice. I mean, c'mon. Get real. You've got to know how to work that camera, baby. Just ask her hub-unit. David Bra-ckham. (He can orbit in my Galaxy any time :) And perhaps he will, tee hee. I even SMS-d his bootylicious ex-girlfriend Rebecca Loose to find out how she managed to snare such a great piece of manhood. Miaow! Now there's a pussycat doll that knows how to Pimp Her Ride. Know whadda mean???

Next time - Booty and the Beach.